The Reluctance
I do not know how you can continue to survive while storing as much trouble sleeping inside. A kind of black mud fills my stomach and the food seems a threat. The shame is reflected in the face me and I am the most clumsy person in the world.
I know nothing, understand nothing. Negativity, conflict, euphoric if I'm alone if I can do things alone and my way. My face is dumb and I do not get the voice, it is Hidden in the throat, along with the tears that are about to leave.
Fear, fear, fear. A damn word that I never struggled to pronounce. When I wake up I'm still among the knots of the sheets and start to shake. I never thought I could tremble in fear, and now I do every day before facing the world. I forget things, leave the doors open, let me run errands on the table, the names of people I think are all the same. My mania for perfection fucking with me for another season, right here right next to me, waiting for fail to feel that something terrible choking squeezing the lungs. And hurricanes begin in the head, blows to the thighs, the desire to flee. Luckily
still cold to teach arms.
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